I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
