This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
