My friends, they love my intelligence
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
