Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
