i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So apparently I’m into choking now
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