I wannas sexs uuuuu
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
