Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
