I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
