Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
