So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
