Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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