yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
