So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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