someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
