Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
