omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!