there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
