Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
no. you can't hotbox the world.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible