Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.

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  (832): I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up. http://tfl.nu/vunl
  Replies (27) Good night (1037) Bad night (1754) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed

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  (571): I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed http://tfl.nu/twel
  Replies (24) Good night (3544) Bad night (1753) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza

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  (513): you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza http://tfl.nu/lm16
  Replies (7) Good night (3457) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?

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  (817): I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding? http://tfl.nu/zuv6
  Replies (29) Good night (4629) Bad night (2104) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before

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  (615): You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before http://tfl.nu/c77w
  Replies (37) Good night (1839) Bad night (5723) Order T-Shirt
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  (830): View more from Texas

  You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy

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  (830): You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy http://tfl.nu/g7o4
  Replies (12) Good night (4134) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.

  (949): View more from California

  she's my drunk super hero.

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  (219): you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds. (949): she's my drunk super hero. http://tfl.nu/ngha
  Replies (17) Good night (5535) Bad night (1098)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.

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  (515): mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money. http://tfl.nu/cehx
  Replies (7) Good night (828) Bad night (3210) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.

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  (813): He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand. http://tfl.nu/9yan
  Replies (10) Good night (891) Bad night (3202) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.

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  (602): Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public. http://tfl.nu/i8al
  Replies (10) Good night (906) Bad night (1729) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive

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  (306): I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive http://tfl.nu/z4k9
  Replies (6) Good night (2709) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk

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  (757): sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk http://tfl.nu/2uta
  Replies (9) Good night (2169) Bad night (1149) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes

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  (216): 5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes http://tfl.nu/ja2o
  Replies (8) Good night (1445) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  That was beautiful.

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  (775): True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate. (1-775): That was beautiful. http://tfl.nu/d63d
  Replies (4) Good night (1398) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.

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  (832): I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair. http://tfl.nu/tpcg
  Replies (13) Good night (902) Bad night (1905) Order T-Shirt

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