Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
