Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
