we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
