pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
