wrigley field is MILF paradise
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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