I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
