why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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