Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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