I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Are my feet made of real feet?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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