not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize