I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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