I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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