thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
