I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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