Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you would pick up someone in the library
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
