You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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