Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
