Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dicks are not precious.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
