The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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