I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
