I wish I could teleport
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
