You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
