I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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