You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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