hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
