I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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