i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
