saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
