She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
