I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
