I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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