Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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