I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
