I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
