they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
