Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
