some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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