I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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