it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Of course I have a pirate flag
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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