I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
