you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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