i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
