I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
