Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
