I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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