guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
