he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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