Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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