Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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